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The Colon Chronicles part 3/3 of the most crazy story ever to leave my mind
The colon Chronicles Part 3
Out at sea...
"ALL HANDS ON DECK!" blasted through the tannoy system, the ship effectively vibrating with all the colon crew rushing to action stations. I made an announcement on loud speaker to the approaching boat "CHANGE COURSE AND IDENTIFY YOURSELF OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE TREATED AS HOSTILE!" as I was constantly checking the radar for changes in course, Suddenly the boat slowed to near stop and was bobbing up and down in the sea, The crew dropped the ladders and where ready to attack if needs be, A dark figure started to climb the ladders hooded and tall the man stood looking down on, on the colons on the deck, "Take me to the captain" he requested.
As he approached me he dropped his hood from his jacket to revel himself, "YOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!!" he shouted, WOW it was defproc standing there with his blue hair shining under the green cabin lights (Looked rather iffy) "More Hostiles" shouted the colons from the deck, Proc jumped forward shouting "No don’t, its the rest of the crew!", "leave them" I shouted down, Up climbed ken, Snicker, Kevin, K-Rad-Bob.
Wait a minute I was thinking, How can this be?, I was in contact with them on the net, they did shit for me!, "How did you get here so fast?" I asked, proc stood there with a puzzled look on his face "Eh?" he spoke, So I explained my story and it turned out they heard about me "disappearing" and worked out the location of me and my boat, "So who the fuck was helping me out posing as you guys?", "I don’t know but lets find out!" said proc.
We all sat around the computers hacking shit into the MOD databases and found that it was actually MI6 and new Scotland yard posing, there actually game plan was to "let" me go, as I could actually have some vague crazy chance of coming through all this somehow... Well no matter your here now, I whistled and the crew came around all of them, "What’s going on?" they asked, "Well As you can plainly see I'm am no longer a human, I have progressed past the weakness of the human body, To be colon is to be strong, So now... You must also become, Evolve!.
You have two choices, you can let it happen yourselves or we do it for you although mind recoding may be needed on some of you... (as I looked at Kevin)", "Well how do WE do IT then ?", So I had them all escorted to a lower deck that we had gutted out, and sat them all in the middle of the room, "Now close your eyes, I will help". As they all closed their eyes I looked, so trusting, NO my evil colon urges where trying to present themselves, trying to take control, "KILL THEM ALL" my mind was saying, I started to jump around the room in a blind panic hardly able to see anything, just quick motion blurs now and again, Finally I stopped, A bit dizzy, When I finally regained my sight I looked over at them all lying on the ground stone cold dead, Arms all over the place, Legs somehow stuck to the ceiling like pan-cakes, Heads slit open with skull fragments melded together with eye pieces... "NOOOOO WHAT HAVE I DONE???????".
At that exact moment I heard "FaTe!", I turned around... I stopped still in complete amazement "WHOA!", 4 colons all standing in a row well bar the one facing the wrong way, But I assumed who that was, "I’m proc" said the far left colon, Ken, Snicker, and yes the one facing the wrong way was Kevin, "How the fuck did that happen", "We don’t know" It worked and that’s all that mattered, Suddenly they shouted "watch this" and started to jump and bounce around the room somewhat fast, Like little ninja’s, "We cant serve on this boat, But we will help you take the fight to the colon race!", Excellent, real fighters to assist me, This could actually all work out.
I was thinking while bobbing along in the big what seemed endless sea, MI6 and new Scotland yard want us to go for it?, To actually go for our country and fight on foreign soils against a race that evolved from us?, Well if that’s the case, we don’t lay low no more, and we need help.
I made my way to the computer and logged back onto IRC, thinking that if they thought I believed it was my friends the last time then it’s bound to be them again. I contacted "proc" on IRC, he responded, ok, right, "Hey there proc", "hi" the person responded, "I need help", "What’s up", "See I happen to know that MI6 and new Scotland yard know about us and stuff", "Oh...", "Yeah, so if we could possibly cut the bull shitting, Maybe we could actually cut to business", "erm, well..., erm, Ok... I’ve been authorized, What do you want to talk about", "Seeing as IM the only one that has a real chance at the moment, we could do with some supplies, of course I cannot expect you to publicly announce what I’m about to ask, but you’ll realize that in the long run I’m actually doing you a favor", "Ok we’ll consider it, what is IT?", Back at the docks I converted some convicts to a army for my personal use, I wish to have you pick up one of my elite crew and take him back to the UK, and let him visit prisons all over, converting, and then ship them back to me", "We cant possibly le...", "Listen, you either do this or we go some place else (we never would but..), The UK would have less to spend on prisoners if they where NONE", "I’ll have to authorize this I will contact you in 5 minutes, We have access to your ships GPS system we’ll use this to contact you with details".
I walked off down to the lower decks to see that ken and proc and everyone where all training, "Attention!" I shouted, Right who’s the most kick ass here?, "I want a demonstration of skills, 1 fight each multiple rounds 1 winner, Proc and Kens turn to fight, As ken was about to say "proberlys" as an insult to proc, Proc jumped straight towards him, smacked ken upwards, then jumped himself grabbing ken on the way up, and then threw him higher into the roof, ken flying toward the floor startled and beaten, Proc landed straight down looking at me as if to say "I win", as ken landed on proc and knocked him the fuck out... "Ok, Ken your going", "urrrrggghhh...wha....what ?....going where?????", "Your going back to the UK, You will be picked up by MI6 in 1 hour, and taken back to all the prisons in the UK, Your going to make us an army, select the real bad ass's, then mind wipe them, recruit EVERYONE regardless, and just between you and me recruit the prison staff as well, we need everyone, then you will be shipped to a meet point with us", "Proberlys" said ken, as proc got head butted ken, "That hurt hmmk thnx".
I went back upstairs to find a message waiting for me, it was all arranged ken was going to go back, finally I would have an army worthy of taking into battle. I looked behind me to find everyone standing there, "How was all this arranged?", "I am the Colon, the ORGINAL COLON", "Ok" they replied.
Later that night after ken had gone, I was bored, not much to do really other than wait, I decided to check the news channels, "News just in.... The colon empire has made its first strike to removing itself from the planet, by remove I actually mean taking USA from the earth...with them....into space, It would appear that the empires "borders" where not actually borders at all, they have turned out to be a giant new age cutting device, experts believe that the device is able to cut all the way through the earth.." , What the hell is going on now...!, We if anything this should be good news for us, this mean easier entry than we originally thought, "BLEEB BLEEB", The GPS system message system went off, I made my way to the console, UPDATE REPORT...6 Prisons visits...Estimated 20,000 recruits taken, Cost to Government -£6.5 Mill, Your plan is actually working.... OUT". Excellent ken’s doing well, I can almost see the shored of USA on radar, I thought it was a myth what was said about the sky’s actually being red, it’s not, red as blood, what would normally scare and make people scared is actually inviting to me, tasty...
2 days have passed now, and we get word that we’ll be meeting with the recruitment ship very soon, good, I decided to go out on deck, get some air and all that shit, I glanced up at the sky as this could be the last time I could do something like this, Wait a fucking minute... The sky’s moving, and not in a normal way.... There’s some appearing...its fucking huge...that cant be an aircraft of a sort....IT fucking IS..."RAISE THE ALARMS" I SCREAMED, what seemed like millions of rockets pissing out of this plane straight for us...."FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#########???????!!!!!", Proc running up behind me followed by the rest, "BLEEB BLEEB" WHAT NOW!!!!, "Shit another ship incoming collision course it’s not stopping, and its fucking massive as well!!!", Were all fucked..." WAIT! I know....
Next time in the Colon Chronicles...
More story.....
FaTe
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Submitted: 4:21 am on Jul-10-2008
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Blogger: FaTe
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